Feeding Your Demons
by Tsultrim Allione
I was introduced to the idea of feeding our demons by Ahlmeirah in the Divine Healing Master Key Advanced Training. Lama Tsultrim Allione translated the work of the female Tibetan master Machig Labdron, and she made modifications to the chod process to make it more accessible to westerners.
The first time that I fed my demons, I focused upon the pain and discomfort in the injured strands of muscle between my shoulder blades that were torn at age 16 in a weight lifting competition. When I asked for a personification of this issue, a satyr with goat legs and horns appeared. There was a lack of concern in his eyes. He mocked my neurotic need to bulk up my muscles to be more attractive to women. He mocked my desire to prove that I was stronger than my friend Matthew. He mocked my weakness. When I transferred my consciousness into the satyr, I felt intense anxiety over his intense sexual energy. I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said that he wanted me to be stronger and more manly. Then I returned to my body, and I imagined my body turning into golden nectar, and I fed this nectar to the satyr until he was completely filled. Then the satyr turned into an angel who promised to teach me self love.
Derived from the Greek daemon or daimon, the term demon originally referred to a person’s guiding spirit, a divine creature. Christian attacks on paganism turned demons into evil beings. Our minds perceive demons as real, but they are not. They have no independent existence. For Allione, demons are anything that hinder liberation (fears, illnesses, difficult emotions, etc.). Resisting our demons gives them great power. Feeding them defuses their power and allows them to integrate into our being. When this happens, former foes turn into allies.
The process for feeding demons seemed to have endless applications. When I faced my congested lungs, a blue being with wispy flaps of flesh sticking out in 4 directions appeared. It wanted all of my life energy. Before I fed myself to this being as nectar, I entered into its body to see what it felt like. I felt the tremendous power of all the energy that it had robbed from me. After I fed myself to this being, it turned into a being of light.
My concern about having enough money after buying a car, a mountain bike and skis in December turned into a white obelisk with arms and legs. It wanted me to stop spending so much money. As I fed myself to it as nectar, it turned into a blue water elemental.
My fear of Trump being reelected turned into a wild-man-like being with a foot of wild hair sticking out in every direction. It wanted me to be more wild. It turned into a sun (star) after I fed myself to it.
My fear of being abandoned turned into an emaciated young girl with deep, black, sunk-in eyes. She wanted to be loved and to feel safe. I sent her love from the Infinity Point in my heart until she felt satisfied. As I fed myself to her, she turned into my spirit guide Sarah, a beautiful woman.
My concern over lack of popularity turned into a clown who told me that I was not popular for much of my life because of neediness and mental illness. It said that it is time to stop caring about what other people think about me and be myself. After I fed myself to it, it turned into a blue water being with a perfectly round blue face and blue hair extending out in every direction like a blue sun.
When I focused upon sinus issues, a being with multicolored skin and multicolored hair extending sideways for 3 feet in both directions appeared. It said that it wanted to protect me from painful emotions by deadening my feelings. When I projected myself into its body, I felt its concern about me and its desire to protect me from difficult emotions. As it filled with nectar, it turned into white light.
Then I faced issues with my cousin Jack’s beautiful Persian wife Tanya and their daughter Ella. Eight years ago, we had a family gathering, and I felt extremely close to Ella who was in 5th grade at the time. Three times I scheduled another visit, and three times the visit was cancelled. It became clear that Tanya was never going to let me visit. Tanya is not at all religious, and she saw me as a bad influence on Ella and her sister Ava after giving them bags of chakra crystals. It was painful to be judged unfit to interact with Tanya’s daughters. A coming family gathering next month brought this issue up for me again. As I tuned into this issue, a beautiful belly dancer appeared. When I entered into her body, I felt her delight over her control over men. Men were her playthings, and she toyed with their sexual attraction and their emotions. As I fed myself to her as nectar, the belly dancer turned into a tree.
When I tuned into my mother’s venomous denial that she used me to meet her emotional needs when she began talking to me as an adult at age 4, a giant cobra appeared. The cobra told me that I needed to forget about this issue because Mom is unable to deal with it. When I entered the cobra’s body, I felt its intense desire to protect my mother from feeling any pain. When I fed myself to the cobra, it turned into a golden obelisk with translucent flesh, my own image in the spirit world.
When I tuned into the time when my mother was my worst critic, a giant, hairy, black tarantula appeared. This giant spider told me that I brought my mother’s criticism on myself by refusing to allow her to repeat childhood and repeatedly trying to pull her into adulthood to be my mother. When I entered the body of the tarantula, I felt its intense desire to protect my mother from pain. As I fed myself to this spider, it turned into a golden spaceship.
Integrating my demons into my being was truly liberating.
When difficulties come into our lives, we can see them as either obstacles or as grist for the mill that has the potential to bring us closer to awakening. — Tsultrim Allione
5 Steps for Feeding Our Demons
1) Find the demon - decide what to work on and where it resides in the body.
2) Personify the demon and ask it what it needs.
3) Become the demon.
4) Feed the demon and meet the ally.
5) Rest in awareness - you and the ally dissolve into emptiness and the present moment.
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There is a video on Youtube entitled “Feeding Your Demons” with Lama Tsultrim Allione that guides you through the process of feeding one of your demons.